A Bit of Transparency

I have had a rough past week and a half. Just really down, frustrated, and weak. I am facing the hardest era of motherhood I have entered to date. Barrett is two and asserting himself as an individual, a necessary, but trying time for the both of us. It's like he is pushing so hard against me, but then he is also very needy of me at the same time. He is so very strong, yet so very tender too. I am learning how strong of an individual he will be each day. I feel that we are constantly at war and it has been very exhausting. The harder I try to stand firm and discipline, the harder he pushes against it. I have tried about every method I know to try to little avail. I have been reduced to a sobbing mess almost daily and question my ability as a mother so often. Having just about 10 weeks until the next baby arrives, I feel even more overwhelmed. I want to be the perfect mom that does everything right. My biggest fear is that I will let my children down and fail them as a mother, somehow impairing their true potential and stunting their growth as healthy individuals, men, husbands, fathers some day. Their is a great deal of responsibility in parenting and a great deal of strength required.

I am learning several things in this...First, how much I love my child and though his strength of will can be difficult to deal with at times, how ultimately thankful I am that God has equipped him with this strength. Second, my strength alone is far from sufficient. Third, that God's strength is more than sufficient and He loves my children more than even me and wants what is best for them even more than me. Fourth, that even my greatest effort does not secure my children's happiness, health, or security as an individual. I am not that powerful. I don't matter that much in the grand scheme of things. These are hard lessons for me. I want to be capable and earn my keep so to speak. But that is the ever so difficult, but blessed lesson of truth and grace. Accepting the truth is difficult, but accepting the grace can be even harder for me. Pardon the cliche, but to "let go and let God." I am praying for wisdom, patience,and strength as well as, ironically, the strength to be weak.

7 Month Belly Pics

I have reached the monumental third trimester! Feeling pretty well. Sleep is becoming more difficult, interrupted by trips to the bathroom once more, and filled with crazy dreams--I remember having very vivid dreams while pregnant with Barrett as well. I am craving veggies, fruit, and sweets and have a slight aversion to Mexican food minus the chips, cheese dip, and salsa. Slightly ironic as it was reversed with my first pregnancy. I craved Mexican and Itallian and had an aversion to sweets the first trimester. Jace is most active in the afternoon, evening, and night right now. He is fond of my left side. Two weeks from today we go for our next visit and 4-D ultrasound! Can't wait to see what he looks like.

Adam painted the nursery this weekend--a cheerful, baby blue. We hope to have the majority of the decorations hung on Tuesday. I will take a pictures then. Also need to add pics of Bear's big boy room.

Chris' Surgery

Just a quick update--I spoke with Chris today and his surgery is scheduled for Tuesday, April 7 at 8 am. Please be praying for all the healthcare professionals involved and a successful, uneventful operation as well as peace for my brother. He has expressed that he is nervous about the procedure and concerned about the logistics of everything, including time off of work for recovery. Pray also for his family (Jessica, Kirsten, and Lucas). Just pray that the Lord will "keep [them] in perfect peace." Thank you all. Your prayers mean so much.~Haley

A Request for Prayer

My brother, Chris, was recently diagnosed with Wolff Parkinson White Syndrome, a heart condition present from birth. He had recently had a few fainting episodes along with dizziness and an irregular heart beat. He went to the ER last week after fainting and when they performed an EKG they discovered the condition. It requires surgery to fix, minimally invasive as far as heart surgery, but scary none the less when you are talking about your heart. He followed up with the cardiologist today and they want him to have the surgery and told him to go home and think on it. He has agreed to go through with the procedure, but does not have it scheduled yet. Please pray that he will not have any more complications/episodes before the surgery and that the surgery and his recovery will go smoothly. Thank you so much for your prayers. I will let you know the time and date as soon as I do. Love you all--Haley

27 week 6 day appt.

Went to the OB doc. today for my routine 4 week check. All was well. Baby Jace was active as usual and after running away from the doppler several times, we were able to get a long enough snippet to calculate a heartrate in the 140's. I passed my glucose screening test and got my Rhogam shot (ouch!). I go back for my next check in 3 weeks (Mon. April 13). We will be having the 4-D ultrasound then--so excited! Then I will be going every 2 weeks. She said we will schedule my section at my 36 week visit--most likely at 39 weeks (June 10). I will keep you updated. Stay tuned for the 28 week/7 month belly pic tomorrow!

Bear's Bday Party

Barrett had his 2nd birthday party last Sunday. The weather was "iffy", but God supplied a couple hour break in the rain to allow for us to have it at his favorite location--the park! He had a great turnout of family and friends. The kids enjoyed playing on the swings and the slides and taking part in the festivities. It was a great day! Thank you to everyone who helped make it such a success! Here are some pictures...

A tool/construction themed party.

The Birthday Boy

The kids decorated hard hats.

Sidewalk chalk!

The Cake--2 candles!

The party guests enjoying some cake and ice cream: Bear's Mother's Day Out class


Bear's Church Friends

Of course he got some presents too...lots of tools, a bike, and more!

Here "Ghee" is helping him ride his new bike for the first time.

2 yr. Check-up

Barrett went for his two year check-up today. He passed inspection. He weighed 27 lbs. and was 35 and 1/2 inches. No shots needed today. In fact, other than a flu shot he is good until his kindergarten shots. I know that will arrive sooner than I am ready, but I am focusing on the present. This has been the greatest two years and I am so thankful for the many blessings we have seen and will continue to see.

Belly Pic

25 weeks 4 days

I keep forgetting to take belly pics on that momentous month change (will make a note to do so at month 7). Meanwhile, people keep asking for a belly pic. So here you go--my blossoming belly!

Barrett Turns Two!

Barrett turned two yesterday! It's hard to believe that he could be that big already. We went to Chuck E. Cheese after church, then to get some ice cream at Dairy Queen, and then home to open his gift. He had a big time! Here are some pics...

Playing games with Daddy.

Whack-a-Mole!

Barrett's favorite was the Kentucky Derby game where he got to ride this horse.

Putting in the tokens.

Ice Cream!

Tools!

Tool Man Tipper.

Playing in the Snow

We woke up Sunday morning to about 4 inches of snow. A pleasant surprise for Barrett! We went to church only to find they had cancelled the services so we came home and played before I had to go into work. It was so much fun! We built a snow man and Barrett got to give sledding a go. Then we took a little break to warm up and went out to eat before Adam and Barrett dropped me off at work. They went over to our friends' family's farm and played some more. Barrett was worn out and slept almost four hours afterwards. Then he woke up and came with Daddy to pick Mommy up from work. Here are some pictures ...

The cutest kid in the whole world loving the snow!

Barrett and Mommy's Snow Man.

Studying the snow.

Sledding with Daddy.